A Very David Morning
6:35am: Clock radio alarm goes off, softly crooning C&C Music Factory. I’ve been feeling under the weather lately, and the 9 hours of sleep I got last night didn’t feel like enough.
Note to self: when sick the previous week, it’s probably not a good idea to spend all Friday night dancing at a party called Get Freaky and following that up by partying the next night with your hand shoved up a monkey’s ass.
6:50am: I drag myself out of bed and decide that today is a hat day if I want to make it on time to my contract teaching gig downtown.
6:51am: Copious coughing produces a strange formation that looks eerily like Abraham Lincoln. I study this unexpected arrangement of bodily fluids, convinced that it must “mean something.”
7:05am: Hat-shod and DayQuil doped, I arrive at the bus stop just as the train arrives. I accept my good luck as I board the train. I am also forced to accept my bad luck as I realize that MUNI fares just went up a quarter, and I didn’t bring one. The embittered and sulky MUNI driver takes no pity on my plight, and tells me I’ll have to get off the train if I can’t come up with another quarter. I decide to pay an extra dollar instead.
7:08am: We arrive at the next stop. Determined to get the most out of the extra 75 cents, I stand directly in the front of the train. I tell the first person who pays cash that I already paid 75 cents of his fare. This charming act of philanthropy gets me a sour look from the driver. The timid passenger does his best to ignore me, drops his full fare into the slot and wordlessly moves to the back of the cab.
7:15am: Three stops later, the MUNI driver tells me that if I don’t stop harassing other passengers, I’m going to have to get off the bus. I ask him how offering to pay part of their fare constitutes harassment. He tells me to “just sit down”.
7:20am: On a beautiful San Francisco morning a nice old Filipino lady gets on the bus with her quarters, and I get kicked off the bus.
7:30am: Another bus comes and takes me downtown. Now I’m pissed off and slightly stressing out, because I don’t want to be late.
7:55am: I arrive at my destination, but can’t find my classroom.
7:56am: I check the computer, and realize that…
The class I am teaching is tomorrow, not today.
Score:
Universe: 3, David: 0