David Visits a Japanese Monkey Park

These are from the Monkey Park Iwatayama in Kyoto.

A monkey park is kind of like a regular park, except way more kick-ass, because monkeys. I was very excited to go.

Shortly after walking up a MASSIVE HILL there was a quiz about other things monkeys don’t like. Seriously, the hill was big.

I photoshopped both parts of the sign together for easy reading.

Those fuckers hate:

• Being Touched
• Being stared at
• Being hit by a stone.

They hate all of them.

I’ve heard about other tourist and monkey encounters in places like Thailand, so I assumed “Please don’t make monkeys nervous” was the polite Japanese way to say “They’ll bite your face off.”

I saw some monkey on the hill. Most weren’t close enough to get pictures of, but this one was. She seemed chill, but I was ready to throw down if the monkey got all stare on me.

After climbing the rest of the fukin’ big hill, the Monkey House came into view. Interesting. Is that where they keep the monkeys?

If so, what’s up with the monkeys on the mountain? Were they escapees?

Is that monkey hanging on the outside trying to save his monkey friends?

Nope. There are HELLA MONKEYS.

Also, Monkey Mountain is recognized as one of the best views of the city. Check it out.

The monkeys will let you near them if you’re chill and don’t look at them. This is the chillest Monkey.

I walked near him. I channeled cool, and was like “‘Sup. I couldn’t give less of a shit.”

He was like “Cool. I care even less than that. Don’t interrupt my lounge. I’m drunk as fuck.”

This is the Monkey House where you can feed the monkeys. Note all the whities. When I told locals I was going to see the monkeys, they were confused. “Why you want to see monkeys?” They were surprised when I told them that we don’t have monkeys in the USA. Apparently, in Japan monkeys just mess up your backyard and make a fuck-ton of noise.

This monkey gave me a look.

I went in the house and fed the monkeys. Note the monkey is the one without the apple.

Such satisfaction.

If you saunter, monkeys don’t bother. If you look, monkeys book.

This dissatisfied monkey is actually nursing a baby monkey. She’s probably mad

because she doesn’t get to party with her monkey friends anymore.